"I am stuck." is also a negative thought

Wow. I found out that "I'm stuck" is also a lie. I didn't realise this before. I'm progressing, I'm growing, I eat, I sleep, I read Bible more often, I'd like to talk to God more often, exercise more often... feeling like a child again in running towards my goal. I'm definitely not "stuck". As a child, I was not afraid to chase after my dream. But not so now. There is still something there that is blocking me. I don't know what it is. Something is hidden deep inside. I no longer have the same passion, or excitement towards my dream as I would have as a child. I really want to have that excitement and thrill again.

Why I wasn't grateful

Sometimes it's hard to be grateful. It's easy to give thanks for the things we can see. But I forget that God is also working on the unseen things, which I should really give thanks for. He is always there, working in ways we cannot see. I will give thanks for that.

surrender

I guess I figured out why I feel stuck. Because I didn't uphold everything in God's hand. I feel relieved when I tell God everything. Just by telling is enough, instead of asking Him for answers. Talking with God is good. Tell Him everything and He will direct my path.

stuck

Oh I forgot to tell you that I have finish my New Testament reading two weeks ago. My driving skills seems improving:) But I feel that sitting in front of the computer for the whole day is loathing. I wish my life is more happening. My life will remain dull unless I start driving. Then I can go anywhere I want, get any food I want, do anything I want. I'm waiting for that day to come. Meanwhile, I'm stuck.

It's so boring

Ranting in this space lead me to the answer, somehow. I'm beginning to practice my driving, though the progress seems slow. I finally gone through the New Testament. Hooray!!! I can't recall any other achievement for the past 6 months. Quite sad. More goodness to come. I'm healthy. I'm alive. Thank you God for everything.

Be mindful?

Every time I realise my mistakes, I thought:" What was I thinking? Could have been more MINDFUL." Obviously I didn't know I was doing the wrong thing at the time I was doing it. Writing mistakes, sending the sms to the wrong person, do the opposite of what I'm suppose to do etc...I feel so very stupid. I feel my brain's emptiness, unable to turn the way it was expected(by others, of course). I can only see blank. Sometimes I thought it's almost like being possessed. I can't remember what I have done. Not careful enough, they said. I think sometimes it's because I was too nervous or anxious that my brain didn't want to register it. Well, I don't know how to be more mindful in my daily life, unless you are doing stuff you really like, such as playing. Most of the job are tedious, because we just want to finish it. I started to doubt if my condition is any kind of sickness because everyone else seems to do fine with tedious job.

It is okay to feel things

Yes, I finally found the answer for my question. There is another choice. Not push through or let go, but accept the current condition. Meet myself with love. Surrender. Because it is okay to feel things.

I admit that I have abandoned my workout for a long time. :(

In the other hand, I'm almost done with my New Testament. :)