Down

Rebel. Feeling far from God. Is it possible to forget the First Love? I don't know why. Someone said when her relationship with her earthly father improved, her relationship with our heavenly father become intimate as well. Love is hard. Patience is hard. We want to get what we want...instantly. Joseph waited. Abraham waited. How? I just hope that I can remember His love everyday.

God is good

God is reminding me to be humble and that He is the One who protect me. Everything is for my own good.

tree of the knowledge of good and evil

I did not realise this. I tend to judge every situation, label them with "good" or "bad" unconsciously. 

Losing job = bad
Get promoted = good
Failing exam = bad
Getting a car = good

"Why is it called the tree of the knowledge of good and evil?" Now I know the answer. It makes sense that now our society label everything with "good" or "evil", because Adam and Eve had eaten from the tree. God had warned them:"But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you shall not eat of it: for in the day that you eat thereof you shall surely die." 

However by the grace of God, today we can take from the tree of life, and eat, and live forever. We can choose not to eat of that forbidden fruit again. When we take from the tree of life, we are restored, no longer ashamed of ourselves, because we stop judging the situation. 

"Yes, I failed at such and such, that is a fact. It's neither good nor bad, it just is."

Why I wasn't grateful

Sometimes it's hard to be grateful. It's easy to give thanks for the things we can see. But I forget that God is also working on the unseen things, which I should really give thanks for. He is always there, working in ways we cannot see. I will give thanks for that.

surrender

I guess I figured out why I feel stuck. Because I didn't uphold everything in God's hand. I feel relieved when I tell God everything. Just by telling is enough, instead of asking Him for answers. Talking with God is good. Tell Him everything and He will direct my path.

It's so boring

Ranting in this space lead me to the answer, somehow. I'm beginning to practice my driving, though the progress seems slow. I finally gone through the New Testament. Hooray!!! I can't recall any other achievement for the past 6 months. Quite sad. More goodness to come. I'm healthy. I'm alive. Thank you God for everything.

Not happy

I wish I could see a quick result. Everything seems to takes forever to get to the end- works, learning, muscles... but some good result that I can see very fast is my health. HIIT workout for just 10 minutes everyday for 5 days a week really did boost my energy and stamina. Not feeling sleepy at work now. Less tired after work. Hooray!

Seriously need to think of changing all other areas of my life. Haven't done anything significant about family and de-cluttering. Am not feeling happy. Though I managed to keep up with 90 days New Testament plan and HIIT. I'm really settling for current situation and not working for what I really want. Should I go with the flow? Or should I push harder? Where is the balance? Somehow I'm looking for more challenging task. Overcoming challenges give me a sense of accomplishment.

New task:

• reading the Poetry section of the Bible once I wake up(3-4 chapters)
• eat breakfast(feel grumpy without it, but very challenging consider the effort to wake up earlier also time spend on thinking what to get)
• spend more time on exercising(still thinking of what skills I can learn at home, such as splitting or standing on my hands)
• be more productive during the weekends(too vague, need a breakdown list, struggling between my own task and the house task)

Looks like more reflection is needed!

A bad weekend

I complained a lot last weekend. It was his fault. It was their fault. In the end I always put the blame on myself. It was my fault actually. You can’t expect others to change, and they won’t. You must find a way yourself. Why are you complaining? Helpless. Hopeless. Self condemning. We already know that we should be grateful but I just can’t, I was overwhelmed by every complaint and dissatisfaction. Frustration took control over me.

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” ALL.

How? Holy Spirit, come and take over. Let the emotions lose their power.

Need to learn from King David:

“I will sing unto the LORD as long as I live: I will sing praise to my God while I have my being.”

The law of the LORD is perfect, converting the soul- Psalms 19:7

As a Christian, others would have thought that I have read through my bible or have been reading it every day. I don’t, but that was my wish since I was young.

In the beginning of the year, I started Bible In One Year(BIOY). I downloaded the app, read it every day, until sickness stopped me. I have no mood or energy to read the app. My illness lasted for a long period. It seemed like impossible to catch up so I abandoned the plan altogether. Maybe the reading style doesn’t suit me, where every time I have to read a portion of Old Testament, Psalms and New Testament altogether. There are many times I read for the sake of finishing it. It became a duty; dull and boring.

Till recently, I saw that there is such a plan called “Reading through New Testament in 90 days”. Doing something for 90 days seems a lot easier than 365 days. So I took the 90 days challenge. There are 260 chapters in the New Testament, so I only need to read 2-3 chapters a day. I printed out the plan(you can get it online easily) and put it in my bible. I prefer reading hardcopy bible over phone. I tick the chart every night after I finish the reading for the day. I make sure to catch up whenever I missed it.

So far, I’m in the 3^rd week, and I am reading faster than planned.

Surprisingly, almost every day there is a verse that’s talking to me. God is good.

God didn’t change my situation, but he changes my heart. <3 

“This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.” Joshua 1:8 

March - too late for New year’s resolution?

How many times have you started New Year’s Resolutions and failed to keep it in the end? And you feel bad about yourself, and you started making up excuses for it, and the cycle goes on and on…. And you never move on, and continuously feeling sorry for yourself.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. (Albert Einstein)

Many will tell you to forget resolutions, but set goal. Let me ask you, how are you going to achieve your goal if not by doing bit by bit? This blog post (The Happiness Project) makes me realized that the truth is you KEEP a resolution. Some days you do and there are certain days you don’t. You move forward and you don’t feel bad about yourself. It’s as simple as that.

Upon this contemplation, it struck me about my life as a Christian. The LORD says: ‘You shall be holy, for I the Lord your God am holy. Can anyone achieve that? Even David, a king with such a great faith, failed. But the thing that David had done displeased the Lord. What did he do when he realised that? He confessed, fasted and wept, but not without any consequence, yet when the incident passes he arose from the ground, washed and anointed himself, and changed his clothes; and he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped.  

How about Israel, to whom God has performed many miracles, them, the children of Israel again did evil in the sight of the Lord … and they forsook the Lord and did not serve Him.…And the children of Israel cried out to the Lord… every time they cried out to the Lord He delivered them. We can’t be perfect every day, but we strive to be, and we don’t give up.[1]

Wherever you are in your New Year’s resolution, it is never too late to return. Yes, return; you don’t have to start all over again. Pick up where you’d lost. Return from the wrong path, turn to your original path where it leads you to your Home, where your Father has prepared everything good in store for you.[2]

Just remember this: 

“They are NEW every morning”[3]

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[1]  “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before” Philippians 3:13

[2] Refer to the Parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32)

[3] Lamentations 3:23