achievement

I feel bad that I didn't work hard enough to make myself better. I have plenty of time in the office. But I feel dreaded to learn a new language or setting up a business idea. I fear that I didn't do anything. I loathe waiting for time to pass. I will feel really useless  if I continue to live like this. It is time wasting. I know there are many envy of my current life, getting paid every month, even though not a big amount, but enough for living, and nothing much happen. I have to read Paolo Coelho. I will collect his books.

Fully involved

“It is by being fully involved with every detail of our lives, whether good or bad, that we find happiness, not by trying to look for it directly.” –Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Transformation

Transformation doesn't happen overnight. It will take months, or years, to get what I really want. I am learning to love the process, the phase of transformation. I don't have to wait for the result to be happy. The process itself should be happy. I don't know why I was so eager about my achievement before this. As if I can only be happy when I get to those stage in life.

Follow up

Omg. Wow, I can't believe this. I received an inbox saying that "I know you can do it coz you're a smart student." It's amazing. It's just like I only have to write things on here and waiting for it to happen. Weeeee!

Believe

I want someone(at least) to have faith in me. Telling me that they know I can do it, when I'm not sure. When people told me that it was really encouraging. But there are times I don't believe in them, too. It is better to hope on yourself rather than hoping on others, because who will have bigger hope on you other than yourself? I hope that's not true. I really hope others have bigger hope in me than myself.

tree of the knowledge of good and evil

I did not realise this. I tend to judge every situation, label them with "good" or "bad" unconsciously. 

Losing job = bad
Get promoted = good
Failing exam = bad
Getting a car = good

"Why is it called the tree of the knowledge of good and evil?" Now I know the answer. It makes sense that now our society label everything with "good" or "evil", because Adam and Eve had eaten from the tree. God had warned them:"But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you shall not eat of it: for in the day that you eat thereof you shall surely die." 

However by the grace of God, today we can take from the tree of life, and eat, and live forever. We can choose not to eat of that forbidden fruit again. When we take from the tree of life, we are restored, no longer ashamed of ourselves, because we stop judging the situation. 

"Yes, I failed at such and such, that is a fact. It's neither good nor bad, it just is."